Why Emma sucks.

I would say spoiler, but it's a monotonous, pointless book with a plot that's not worth following. If you get spoilered, don't sweat it. I'm just saving your time.

1. Prose. I can't stand Emma's style. Reading Emma might as well have been reading Miss Bates the whole way through. That is, reading rambling, incoherent drivel which makes me wonder, "Why do I care?" But wait, it gets worse. Austen uses archaic constructions forcing 10 words instead of 3. Austen uses elevated diction for little purpose, and while used correctly, it still feels like I'm reading an idiot trying to use a thesaurus to sound "intellectual." Luckily, no one I know writes like that. Thank god.

2. Plot. It's boring. I didn't care. I just tried to get through 471 pages ASAP. It's predictable. Who didn't guess Frank+Jane or Harriet+Robert? I'm quite sure I saw that around 200 pages in. She tries to trick the reader, hehehe, but those were just extraneous words. I'll admit Knightly+Emma was surprising, but that's because they're brother/sister in laws. Doesn't that count for incest? Ugh, too close for comfort though.

3. Characters. I hated them all except the Knightlys. Maybe that's why the plot bored me. I didn't care about the characters, so why should I care about what happens to them? Emma could die of heat stroke, end the book earlier, and I'd be all the happier. Compare this to Pride and Prejudice or Persuasion where I actually cared because the heroine wasn't a pompous, spoiled, immature bonehead, and you'll see why I hated this book. Mrs. Elton signified skim to me, as did Miss Bates, as did Mr. Elton, as did Harriet Smith.

What a waste of time.