Random writings #1

A gulp of coffee flows down my throat. Coffee. I hate the taste. Bleary eyed, I type on. Just finish the work and sleep. The time ticks to 4. Ha, I'd grown accustomed to sleeping in the office now. A few lines more, a few lines more. And I lie on the ground and pull my jacket over. A night's rest before another nightmare.

The ground crunched beneath my step. Poisonous sun burned my skin. I walked on and on. Forward, I said, forward. Mouth parched and tongue dry, I wondered, when had it become so barren? But I marched. Forward, I said, forward.

Hope had deserted me by now. Only the barren shell which once held human emotions remain. Here a smile, there a laugh, as though from memory but never from my own willingness. I see the world through these green jewels they call eyes, and I experience it past a shield of cynicism, but I can't control reaction. Laugh as I might, my heart feels nothing except the palpitating motion forced on me to sustain shell's existence.

My work drones on. What once provided excitement, sparked, stimulated the brain has become just a distraction now. A reminder, too. The acerbic fluid of failure in success pumps through my veins, slowly eroding my concentration and monopolizing my thoughts. I try to work through it. I stare at my strategies, my models, my math, but my mind wearies and dreams of home.

Home. I, too, once had a home you know. It was everything you wanted out of a home: comfort, protection, a place to live. With it came a nourishing mother, an alma mater, but it disappeared all too soon. My greed ransacked my home before I even left the house, leaving a trail of broken friendships and wasted opportunities. But keep walking forward, I said. Keep walking forward.

So now I walk forward. Everyday, I trudge and slog and lumber. Forward, I said, forward. And what humanity I had cries behind me at broken home that could have carried a family, but crying shows weakness. So my shell drags on, each step trampling my heart under the leather sole of progress.

Adieu

I've always had a fancy for the French language. It's soft and mellifluous. It's gorgeous. Adieu I learned from an old book, read to me in third grade, and one of my favorites. I have it to this day. The Tale of Despereaux. Adieu itself means farewell. Ah, childhood seems so far away now, but I connect it to today as I say adieu to Wayzata, to my friends, and to my teachers.

The path ahead of us splits, but I'd like to think we'll still be connected by ever-loosening-but-never-broken strings of friendship. I'd like to think I learned a lot in my 4 years in Wayzata, and I met some of the most wonderful people, but if I started listing the names and how each one influenced me, I believe my eye sockets would run dry and my afternoon would be gone. Damn, I didn't think I'd cry about moving again after moving so many times. Sorry for the lack of specificity, dear friends, but I have much to admire from each and every one of you, and I'd rather keep my eyesight today.

Life at Wayzata had many ups and downs. Everyone competed, but everyone cooperated. This led to wonderful friendships realized in torturous classes like Euro, Diffeq, AP Comp, or hell, one of the most torturous of all, Health. But behind this gang of friends rushing for college acceptance and battling for Ivy Leagues, I found a group of teachers always pushing us along gently and motivating us to be better. Wayzata has incredible teachers at each step of the way, and I can only hope my professors at college are the same. Each and every year, I had wonderful teachers to help me, to guide me. There aren't many Mr. Kilkellys in this world, but somehow, Wayzata just happened to gather a bunch just as good in all their departments. I'll miss talking to Mr. Motes, Skerbitz, Schmit, Prondzinski, Tuura and Mrs. Grack, Kottke, Tolle, Hagen, Decker, or McIntyre. They've all influenced me, whether it's through a wonderful little maxim, an eloquent speech which touches the heart while stifling my arrogance, or teaching me to have fun while still being under a heavy workload.

It's not Thanksgiving yet, but I'm very thankful for all the great teachers I've had here. I'm disappointed that I have to say farewell. I'd love to see them all again, listen to their lectures, and continue to learn from them, but it's time to face the future. It's intimidating, the future. I never know what can happen, but I think I'll keep a few things in mind as I head out:

1. You're not as great as you think you are. In the words of Sibi, "Don't believe your own hype." Pessimistic? No. More like keep your arrogance in check.

2. Integrity is worth more than any amount of money or points can buy.

3. Half as short, twice as good, twice as powerful.

4. Getting your ass kicked is good. Just adjust to it and learn.

5. Time management, time management, time management. You fucked it up in high school. Don't in college.

6. There isn't a grade you can't get. You're just not working hard enough.

And with those lessons in mind, adieu Wayzata. Adieu, adieu, adieu.

The Dark Knight Rises *Spoilers!*

Let us start with context. The Dark Knight Rises came out today. I watched the midnight premier as one of the last movies I will watch before heading off to college. The Dark Knight came out in 2008. I watched it as I transitioned into a high school I hardly ever knew. Batman Begins came out in 2005. While I did not watch that during 2005, that was the year people of my grade would enter middle school where I live. That was also the year I changed to an intermediate school I had never known before. The Dark Knight trilogy followed me through school, and The Dark Knight Rises is the perfect send-off movie for a fledgling college freshman.

Last Day

High school ended today. A somber, pensive mood finally set in. Perhaps it's melancholy. I love that word, melancholy. And you know what note it ended on? The Breakfast Club. Oliver said he didn't understand it, but I think I did. It is a beautiful movie to close high school.

Paying for Higher Education

As a graduating senior, the topic of paying for college is one close to my heart. As August gets closer and closer, there is the constant looming threat of $55,000. College is not cheap, and it is not getting any cheaper. Real costs for college grew 68 percent for students between 1986 and 2006 (McCluskey and Edwards, par. 19). College students' debts have skyrocketed, now overshadowing even credit card debts. Only the Higher Education Act of 1965 is here holding open the opportunities for prospective and future college students, but that, too, will be in jeopardy come 2013. Let us discuss this historical law vital to our future, and let us move to re-enact it in 2013.

Impaired Cognitive Functions?

Man, I never noticed how many typos I make after waking up at 3:30 AM to do an issues discussion. Second to last one though, almost done. Can't wait. 9 days of high school left. I can't wait until it finally ends. ^_^

On another thought, I still have to write thank-you notes to all my teachers along with some minor presents I think... anyone got any ideas?

This is a relatively short and not-well thought out post, but I'm posting at 6:44 AM. My brain isn't exactly working as well as it should, and I figure, no matter how hard I try, I will fall asleep in Diffeq. Sigh... And I actually should listen now.

Fond Memories

I recently heard that Toonami is coming back to Cartoon Network. I support this move. While I never watched Toonami much (no cable), I will always enjoy the fond memories of cartoons. But perhaps more at work here is the nostalgia for the past that we all experience. I look fondly upon my memories and sometimes wish I could go back, but I realize it's better to leave that time in peace and look to the future.