Sunday, February 20, 2011

Bad days happen.

It's 3v3, BGH. I'm protoss. 2gate zealots, kill off an SCV making a barracks, kill a marine trying to get into a bunker, get into a commanding position. Then, it falls apart. The bunker goes down. a pylon powering my gateway goes down. I lose all my zealots. I depend on probes and goons to keep me alive. My econ is shot. I play like utter crap. If it weren't for my dragoons, I wouldn't have lived. Luckily, I live, get way greedy, mass expand, and my teammates carry me. Crappy game.

Next game, Nav totally contains Ivan (NICE), I forget to build dragoons and anti-air. Evan's mutas harass me all over the place. Somehow, we pull off a victory, all thanks to Nav.

1v1 time. I get through early game just fine. What's Ivan doing? Tech to hive. Muta harass. Kill off nothing cuz of Bnet latency. I see a dropship? I see 5 dropships. Should've expected shitty all-ins. Army out of position. gg. Damn it.

Next game? Get cheesed. Barely hold it off. Get contained. Muta harss *kills a barracks*. Get lurkers, tech to hive. Ivan suicides. GG... how was that a game won? Ugh, such shitty play.

Get on iccup. Play against a D terran. Get out macroed and let gas/minerals rise to 2k/2k. WHAT AM I DOING? get bmed, lag out. 

Sigh... today was just not a good SC day. :/ BW can be brutal sometimes. Yet, why is it so enjoyable?

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Making it

Once, just this once, I want to make it. I want to make it to state. I want to win state and make it to nationals. I want to please Will. I want us to achieve our potential. I want to win.

To be honest, we've never actually won before this year. Last year, we only won because of a bye, and we ranted whenever we lost. Not so anymore. This year, we were dedicated. Every single time. We practiced with intense focus. We shifted, changed, evolved as time went on. To be honest, we've developed a game sense. :) Objections can come naturally. Cross follow-ups are easy. Even direct feels much more fluid than before.

Now, we have one long weekend and three days to bring our defense team up to par. Can we do it? I don't know. We've been shaky on defense the whole year. But I believe in our team. I believe we can, just this once when the world seems to be supporting us, make it.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Lying

Lie to yourself. Try it.

Now, go ahead and repeat that lie. Keep it in your mind.

Give it a few minutes. Repeat it again. Does it sound weird yet? Keep repeating and repeating and repeating.
Try saying it to other people.

Eventually, it'll become true. Odd, isn't it?

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Mathematics in High School

Have you read Lockhart's Lament yet? If you haven't, you should. It perfectly describes the state of modern mathematics. Let's face it, we're not actually learning MATH in high school. We're learning how to follow processes and solve trivial equations. We're learning to memorize. Ugh, of all subjects, why did they have to ruin math with such a tedious process?

Even as I sit here tapping away at my keyboard, making clickity click noises, my Calculus homework stares me in the face saying, "Go to sleep. Go to sleep." I've repeated the process over and over, up to 11 times now. It's no longer a thinking method; it's a memorized motion. I miss the days of 4x, when Mr. Kilkelly would hand out worksheets with tricky substitutions or elegant proofs. Those worksheets were fun, and they taught us problem solving methods. I remember Mr. Kilkelly saying, "Sometimes, we need to look for where we want to go and let that guide us. It's a powerful method, yet students often overlook it." (Okay, not direct quote, but hey, I can't remember EVERYTHING from 4x. :) Just the math right?) I also remember learning Viete's equations just because they were cool, and then taking tests with fun bonus questions that challenged our understanding and control of the subject.

In Calculus, it's the complete opposite. We spend days, weeks on applications of established ideas when, honestly, it would only take a day or two to learn such narrow subjects. For example, after the chapter where we learned all the tools for differentiation (Note: Tools are useful. Learning how to apply them through problems should be figured out by students in my mind. I mean, Euclid only started out with 5 tools for establishing his geometry.), we had an entire chapter about "related rates" and what not. Learning that lesson took me about one day's class. I never did any homework for the rest of the chapter. Afterwards, we learned integrals, and how to anti-differentiate using methods like U-substitution or Integration by parts. That's useful. Learning how to calculate the volume of a solid of revolution? Not useful.

With that, we come to today. Where we learned L'hopital's rule. Useful? Definitely. The concept of it is immensely powerful. But do we honestly need to study it through endless amounts of trivial problems and tests? No, not at all. I say, give the concept, show how it's used once or twice, practice once or twice, and move on. Instead of listening to endless explanations on homework in Calc (Disclaimer, not the teacher's fault. Skerbitz is awesome. People just have too many questions where they don't try it themselves. Still respect Skerbitz), I find trying to prove a conjecture of mine much more interesting.

But going on a tangent, because tangents are mathematical, why don't we ever teach competition style mathematics? Gosh, that would be so much more fun. See, AMC-style or competition mathematics would teach much more than a shallow process. It would stimulate student's minds and challenge them to look at problems from different perspectives. If it's too hard, let the student ponder. I find that learning through struggling is much more effective than learning through rote memorization. Besides, politicians always champion "critical thinking" and "analysis." Well, competition style math develops that much more than following a process. It also gives students a wider breadth of problem-solving skills than learning strictly one subject, like Calculus. I mean, sure, I know how to solve a basic, basic, basic differential equation, but give me a tough AMC word problem, and I'll still be stumped. Why? I haven't developed good enough problem solving skills.

Hmm, after writing this rant, I might think about changing my Comp proposal topic. After all, the idea of introducing classes like Mathematics for Competition or Combinatorics appeals to me. I am in need of some 1 term classes too, and these would definitely be more interesting than... Human Anatomy... yuck. Dx Bio. Well, time to get back to slave labor! :D

Monday, February 14, 2011

Melancholy

Melancholy.
Definition: From Ancient Greek μελαγχολία (melancholia, atrabiliousness), from μέλας (melas)μελαν- (melan-, black, dark, murky) + χολή (chole, bile). Compare the Latin ātra bīlis (black bile).


1. Affected with great sadness or depressionespecially of a thoughtful or introspective nature; pensive sorrow.



Saturday, February 12, 2011

The persistence of dreams.

Dreams and reality coalesce as time expires. I live, tangled in confusion. I don't have dreams.

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Sleep? Sleep. Sleep!

Sleep seems more elusive as time goes on. At least before, I used to sleep at 10-11 when I only had APUSH and AP Physics homework. Now? AP Comp makes me GG at 12:00... before I even finish! I hate it. I feel drained and exhausted every day. I feel helpless every time Comp homework shows up before my had. Rhetorical Analysis? Ugh, I fail. T_T Diction, appeals, premise - I try to understand all these ideas, but I can't seem to apply them CORRECTLY. 

Diction is bad enough. I don't even WANT a picture of appeals.

And tonight? Well, tonight we have a poem. Fantastic. I have no idea how to analyze poetry. Will we have to analyze the meters? That's part of the Form... but I absolutely failed at that too. I guess I'll start at diction then, and build my way up. Maybe read it once to see the appeals, then try and find diction observations? Oh, if only I could actually do what I plan. It's like starcraft all over again, too much theory, not enough APM. I know to macro while I muta micro, but I just can't seem to do it :/.

Yeah, that mineral count seems about right.

Whatever. I'll tackle the poem anyway. Dive head long into it. If I'm wrong, I'm wrong. Trial and error; pragmatism; it's how we all learn. But man, learning really is painful. It's exacerbated by forced "insomnia." 

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Demoralized

AP Comp feels like an anaconda, wrapping its muscles around you squeezing out every inkling of pride, hope, and self-respect. At this point, I feel as though I've lost all hope. I have 2 days - two, count them - on your fingers, two, to learn to do rhetorical analysis. I looked at the documents, from this point and that, and yet I can't seem to live up to standards. Ivan, Evan, Jimmy, Hannah. Four names out of 20 who are all better than me. Not to mention, Mr. Motes expects analysis. I seem to give repetition. Hopeless. Destitute. Absolutely worthless. In the words of D. Ibes, "No hope. No hope."

Monday, February 7, 2011

Perhaps a change of study habits will help

Things to start doing:
Homework as I get home.
Sleep at 10 PM latest
APUSH as soon as I get home
AP Comp right after APUSH
Math afterwards
Study for the SAT
Reading more

Things to stop doing:
Going on Teamliquid every 30 minutes
Watching Starcraft streams
Going on facebook every 45 minutes
Procrastinating doing APUSH
Falling asleep while reading Tindall (Okay, this might actually be hard)
Writing blog entries no one reads when I should be sleeping
Incessantly wasting time.

Can I finally shape up before the end of Junior year? Let us see.

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

First encounter; already reduced

Yes, I had my first encounter with AP Composition. Already, I'm mortified. I can't read, I can't write, and I definitely can't do the quizzes. I don't just fear an A-, I fear an F. If I were weak, if I were to yield, I could easily do so right now. But I'm not. I will continue this journey to its end. I will put in all my effort, all my work so I can get the most out of this class. Sophomore year had Euro, Junior year has Comp. I will have overcame both in due time.

For now though, I hang my head low in shame. I understand that I have a long ways to go. I'm currently scared, frightened, even by the possibility of another quiz. I fear the questions to come. Thank goodness no one reads this blog, because without it, I would never be able to discuss my thoughts on my failures today, and the ones to come, in Comp. I would surely crumble.